Over the years, I found that understanding who your ‘people’ are, is incredibly difficult. Mainly because not everybody chooses to be honest and upfront and it’s not unusual that people pretend just to be liked. It’s made more difficult by the innate desire to ‘belong’, to be liked and accepted. But how would you know you are not for everyone if you are not honouring what truly matters to YOU first! At what point accepting to change core values became the price to pay for social acceptance. I call BS on this…

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PEOPLE PLEASING

People pleasing is an epidemic. You know, the kind of behaviour where you disregard what you want and try to fit in so badly that your actions resemble nothing of who you truly are?

Making choices from this premise can derail you on your path. I had a conversation recently with someone who admitted they always knew their marriage was a mistake but they were too scared to step out and admit to it publicly by getting a divorce. After years and years of ‘pleasing’ and pretending, you can easily loose yourself.

THE IMPACT OF FEELING LOST

Rebuilding your life is then that much harder. It’s not impossible but you might find yourself feeling completely lost once you make the change (getting that divorce, changing careers, removing yourself from a friendship circle etc). It’s a slippery slope into depression if you are not careful.

Procrastination thrives in these circumstances too – the ego advising on what’s best for you and when change is simply ‘too hard’, then your autopilot becomes procrastination.

It’s a catch 22. Procrastination has an undertone of not being worthy, of not wanting the best outcome for yourself, of not deserving…

Procrastination can also be fueled by the fear of success and being seen. After all, it is so much ‘safer’ to just stay at home and not speak to anyone…

INTUITION

This is where your intuition comes into play. Strengthening the bond with your inner truth is how you can start rebuilding your life.

Creating space for just ‘being’ and really nurturing yourself will enable you to reconnect with what matters to you. Building a strong foundation for yourself is important for decision making later down the track.

JOURNALING AND BEING STILL

If you can’t hear that inner voice and you are struggling making decisions that feel good, start journaling.

In this space you can go inward without anybody watching or judging.

Ask yourself:

+ why do I want to please others?

+ what am I afraid of?

+ what am I trying to achieve by pleasing others?

+ how is this going to help me discover my truth?

+ are the conversations I am having with these people making me happy?

+ why am I procrastinating on something?

+ why am I so scared to voice my opinion?

These are just a few ideas that could help you connect with your inner voice. The main thing here is that you are super honest with yourself and revisit these questions as often as you need to. Getting under your own skin is the goal…

WHAT’S NEXT

It took me years to figure out what it was that I really wanted in life. All along however I never gave up searching for my truth. It took me to travel the world, move and settle on 3 different continents and try different careers to understand that the answer was all along inside of me.

I tried filling the void with external things, with validation by others and experiences (or as I call them ‘distractions’) that were temporarily amazing but not fulfilling in the long run.

I was one of those people who looked good on paper but unfulfilled.

YOU ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE

Until not long ago, I was one of those people who tried pleasing everybody and sometimes I still slip into this persona when I am tired or not fully present in the moment. The difference this time is that I am able to pivot a lot quicker and course correct.

So next time you feel like you don’t want to hang out with someone or do something, just own it. Saying ‘No’ is liberating and if people love you and respect you, they will understand.

Please remember, that you need to make space and time for what you really want in life and therefore something has to give. What is it that you will be letting go this week to create room for the right things to enter your life?

I am not for everyone and that’s OK. The saying ‘love me or hate me’ must have come from somewhere, don’t you think?

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LIFE AND BUSINESS DECISIONS

This particular concept of not being for everyone also applies to business decisions. My lifestyle is somehow intertwined in this space so I rarely separate the two (it’s a lifestyle rather than something separate) but I know that many of you do therefore it’s important to look at your choices in the area of your career and/or business.

Building a successful career or/and a profitable business requires savvy business decisions. Are you making those right now? Are you working for a nice boss, are you loving your job and looking forward to going to work?

We are not for everyone also applies to your career choices. If you don’t like your job, then change your circumstances. I know it’s hard but the sooner you start thinking about your exit strategy and further more what it is that you really want to do, the closer you are to freedom…

And if you are running a business, are you doing the things that light you up? Have you defined a niche that’s helping you find the right customers and making you profit? If not, then ask yourself: in what way I am not for everyone? What am I doing that doesn’t resonate with me and I am doing that just for the sake of doing…

LETTING GO IS LIBERATING

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that this exact theme was the catalyst for some changes that are coming to ‘designed by life’. I have decided that I will not continue on with the colouring sheets for the rest of this year. ‘You are not for everyone’ is the last one I will be sharing and my energy and time will be invested into a slightly diversified direction. What it is exactly will be revealed soon.

The ‘Mindset Matters’ video interviews will continue on each month and I will be bringing you interesting speakers who will be ‘keeping it very real’…

The colouring sheets will be available as a free resource to my clients and each month I will be sharing mindfulness-based tools that can help you nurture a more present lifestyle each day.

If you feel called to share your experience about the ‘colouring for mindful living’ series’ please feel free to email me or leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you.

Have a fabulous week,

 

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4 comments

Reply

Well Jarka, as I put my last pen stroke on last month’s colouring sheet your email popped up and just blew me away, ‘you are not for everyone!’ in the literal sense that’s how I felt right at that moment and I just thought ‘hey thanks for that’ but I’ve been reading your article and realise I need to let some things go. I will miss your monthly colourings but there are many books out there if I wish to colour, your inspiration and insight is invaluable. Good luck with the changes, looking forward to your next chapter.

Reply

Hi Gill, thank you so much for your kind words… I am glad the words in the article spoke to you. And thank you for your lovely feedback about the colouring sheets. Lots of love, Jarka x

Reply

Thank you for such an honest post Jarka. I can relate to being a people pleaser and saying yes many times when what I really wanted to say was no. Accepting that it’s okay to say no has been a big learning for me and is still a work in progress. Also, when I kindly say no to someone, how they accept my no is out of my control. Thank you for your beautiful words. I loved your Facebook video! xxx

Reply

Thanks Elizabeth for your kind words. Yes, being able to say ‘No’ can be difficult at times but we have to start somewhere, right? Eventually it becomes easier like with everything else.

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