Have you ever caught yourself saying: ‘as soon as I achieve xyz, then (and only then) I’ll be happy (or ready to pursue something you really – really want)’? Putting your life on hold while you are perfecting something about yourself…that kinda mindset? Does it sound familiar? I’ve got myself caught in this web and operated from this premise on a number of occasions. It was also the mindset that bowed to my perfectionist tendencies and was trapped in the fear of being judged by others.
Judgment robs you of love – this can be you judging yourself, you judging others and your fear of being judged by others.
SELF IMPOSED JUDGMENT
I have been thinking about habits lately – the ones I am consciously aware of and then those I no longer realise I have, thanks to the autopilot mode. I decided to reach into the darkest parts of myself and confront certain things I do. And so it dawned on me…
I judge myself about my body image. I have done so my entire life and this affects a lot of my choices in life. The choice of clothes I shop for and the frequency with which I do that, the type of events I say ‘yes’ to, often times it also affects my mood and as a result of that how productive I am that day.
I used to diet – constantly. I used to think I wasn’t worthy of love or being in a relationship until such time I reached my ideal weight. I would feel incredibly intimidated by good looking people and I didn’t believe I was worthy of their attention or time. I know, silly right?
It wasn’t until my early thirties that I started accepting myself for who I am and really stepping up and acknowledging my own beauty. It was a mindset thing just as much as a confidence and self awareness thing.
I never really spoke about my emotional eating either but it’s been part of my life on and off. I am opening up about these aspects of my life because I’d like to hold myself accountable for acknowledging, confronting and not judging myself for it anymore. I want to learn how to love myself MORE…
Do you see the step change in the approach? I believe that by stopping my own judgment and fostering a more loving relationship with myself, I will be able to overcome my emotional eating and stop judging my body. The goal isn’t weight loss anymore – I hope it will be the byproduct of my changed mindset instead.
Accepting what is, reaching for strength from this place and fostering greater awareness around your habits is what will propel you forward. It’s also my personal goal this year to shine the light on this self judgmental side of myself and examine it closer.
I can highly recommend you to tune into Alana Helbig’s story over at ‘She makes magic’. Alana has a podcast and in this particular episode she talks about her battle with emotional eating and self judgment. It’s raw, honest and extremely vulnerable in every shape and form.
BEING JUDGMENTAL OF OTHERS
When you judge others, you are recognising parts of you that you don’t like about yourself. That other person is just a reminder for it… I know, it’s hard to see it from this angle but stay with me on this.
Our primal (or lizard brain) is at play here. Certain behaviours can trigger the amygdala to react in a way that triggers our primal protective mechanism of fight, flight or freeze. Now depending on what type of personality you are, you might choose to walk away from a conversation or get into a heated conversation or simply freeze all the while judging the entire time.
Moments in life are not created one way or another – there is no predetermined formula that would dictate what has to happen. Life happens in every moment and what makes that moment great or not so great is the judgment you place on it. When you do this, you are stripping away ‘love’ that was there before you placed your judgment.
This form of judgment takes you away from understanding humanity, it numbs your ability to feel gratitude, it prevents you from connecting on a deep soulful level and robs you of opportunities to experience love.
How often do you find yourself in conversations that are focused around bitching about others or pointing the finger at others? I know how it felt to be in company of such ‘friends’ and I also know just how drained I used to be afterwards. These sort of friendships are energy zappers and changing the conversation is the only way to save them.
THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED BY OTHERS
Everything is energy – your output attracts what you receive. Now I am not saying that if you judge you will be judged but the likelihood of that taking place is a lot greater.
Again, this really depends on the type of people you surround yourself with and just how vulnerable you are in how you show up in the world.
We become the average of the 5 people we most frequently hang out with.
There is a section in Rebecca Campbell’s book, ‘The light is the new black’ in which she shares why you are not for everyone. And it’s OK – you are not here to please everybody or say ‘YES’ to everything. When you become selective and say ‘yes’ to what your heart and soul really desires, that’s when magic happens. That is when you step into your light and people can relate to you for who you truly are.
These connections will be a lot more meaningful than those ‘surfacie’ ones without the depth. The fear of being judged by others is however very real. It can debilitate someone from pursuing what they desire, from speaking up or even showing up to gatherings with people in the first place.
This sort of predicament can be incredibly distressing. Isolation and depression can be very real side effects of being judged or bullied. It’s this exaggeration of the separation that instills false beliefs of self and influences your own self worth.
The way I brake the cycle for judgment is by asking this question: ‘What would love do?’ 9 out of 10 this delivers the right answer at the right time.
I wanted to share a short video with you that inspired me to write this post today – this girl is one inspiring lady. Dana Falsetti is the epitome of ‘bad-ass girlboss’ to me and the fact she is a yoga instructor makes her even more likable in my eyes (considering I love yoga).
Enjoy and please share with me how you are managing the elements of judgment in your life? I’d love to hear your stories – please leave a comment.
Love and Light,
SIDE HUSTLE TO FREEDOM
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